Sunday, February 16, 2014

Whole Foods

Whole Foods is here. It's open. Many of you have now visited the store. What did you think of the store? No trolls, please. If you took pictures of the store and want to post them, send them to Kingfish1935@gmail.com. No name will be mentioned unless express permission is given.

93 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wife said she went but couldn't find a parking place. Will go later. I've been to the one in New Orleans and it was impressive.

Anonymous said...


Too expensive. SHITTY parking. Not local. Those buying craft beer there versus McDades or Hops & Habanas or other local outfits should be flogged.

Heard directly from very reliable source that Trustmark is pissed about the parking situation especially since they dropped a ton into that branch building.

Anonymous said...

WF has a proposal underway to tear down two houses on Kimwood across Old Canton from the east side of the store and build 84 additional parking spaces and gate Kimwood. There were neighborhood meetings last fall/winter, a vote to change neighborhood covenants and now headed to the City Council for their approval. Houses are owned by a large out-of-state company, developer that helps manage Highland Village/WF would buy them.

Kingfish said...

I'd heard about that plan. Supposedly one of those houses is in really bad shape and probably should come down. I remember the residents objecting to a dentist office going near that location. Will be interesting to see how this plays out if it does. Or is that a different plan I heard about?

Anonymous said...

Gating Kimwood the street? Ain't happening. Good luck in this climate getting shoppers to park there.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like more spot zoning.

Anonymous said...

So much for the hype that Whole Foods is going to lift property values. Put some parking lots there at the end of Kimwood and watch the value of the houses down the street tank. Standing on that corner next to those new parking lots will be a lucrative spot for the Exit 100 camo panhandlers. Good job!!!

Ophelia said...

Parking...huge problem, no question. Absurdly overpriced. I won't be a regular, if indeed I ever go again at all. Feh. It's just FOOD, for heaven's sake!

Anonymous said...

$12 for the same green tea that I buy at McDade's for about $4.

Anonymous said...

As for parking, it's no worse than Kroger on I-55, which is always a nightmare. Been several times and always get a spot within 5 minutes. But the people who think you have to follow someone out of the store in order to get a spot, then proceed to block other cars for eternity, are ruining it for everyone. Seek and ye shall find a spot.

Regarding the store, it's very nice. Staff are helpful and look like they actually enjoy working there. Meat and fish selection are the best (bison steaks? yes please). Prices on sale and store brand items are competitive.

As for the previous comments, every Whole Foods has its haters. That's why Piggly Wiggly exists.

Anonymous said...

The bad: Parking. What it does to parking for other Highland Village businesses. It's too bad it couldn't have gone into the District.It can also get a bit crowded, which speaks to its popularity.

The good: It's a great store. Just superb. You might not want to do your general grocery shopping there, but for specialty item and the food bars it's great. Sure it's more expensive than Kroger. But the food looks better and, it taste better. The crowd there is not as fat as most spots in Mississippi, tells you it's popular with people who don't understand that it costs more to eat well.

Anonymous said...


Whole Foods is not the answer to Jackson's problems. But it's not an either/or scenario. I've been 5-6 times since they've opened. Only once did I have difficulty finding parking. The lot's definitely packed--kind of like what you'll find for grocery stores in most urban areas. (It's not like parking at McDade's or Kroger's is always a piece of cake.) So, like it or not, the large crowds indicate a big demand, and maybe some curiosity, too.

Their prices for many items are higher. Then again, they sell a different type of product--one that places a higher focus on quality and healthier ingredients.

Anyone complaining that WF is not selling anything local is just flat ignorant. Mississippi grows less than 10% of what we consume. WF would love to buy more local, but the supply just doesn't exist right now. They are definitely interested in seeing our local food system develop. McDade's wants to see this, too, by the way. Before anyone gets all crazy and talks about all the farming going on in this state…we're definitely growing a few things, just not food. Corn (for cattle and ethanol), soy, cotton, pine, and lots of sweet potatoes--the majority of which we export.

I'd give customer service an A+.

Bill Dees said...

It's a beautiful store with friendly, helpful employees. I didn't find the prices to be outrageous for what they offer, which is a variety of products unlike anything else, and unavailable anywhere else, in the Jackson area. The parking is atrocious, but I suppose that will improve when the novelty wears off. Overall, it's a terrific addition to Jackson, and will cause me to drive down from Madison more frequently.

Anonymous said...

It's just not my kind of place. I like chemically-laced and hormone-infused meat and potatoes. I may not live as long, but I will eat good, and Obamacare will take care of me.

Anonymous said...

I love it. The " new" is wearing off a bit and as to parking problems, it depends on what time of the day you go.

Of course, the comments are as one would expect.

For some, any chance to bash Jackson is an opportunity not to be missed.

This has happened when Whole Foods came to other cities.

Something new comes in, attracts a crowd and then the new wears off.

Over time, bringing in new people to a shopping center is never bad.



Anonymous said...

I think that WF fills a niche for a lot of products that aren't available at Kroger. I've tried some of their meat and seafood and was very pleased with each - they are the only place to buy air-chilled chicken as opposed to water-chilled, which adds water and weight to chickens and affects the taste - their produce is probably good, but it's overpriced - won't buy it - they have a very good cheese bar - can't speak to the pre-packaged food as I haven't shopped that extensively.

Anonymous said...

Parking is not that bad if by my guess 90% of drivers would quit circling the lot 6-7 times (same at kroger) for that "perfect" spot. Park your damn car & walk an extra 200' geez.

As far as store we'll go there some for seafood & produce. I can get prime meat at McDades for almost same price per pound as WF's choice

Anonymous said...

Good and bad....to small. I got real tired of being either bumped into or being is someones way. rather expensive...parking sucked..(heard a rumor the Cheveron is comming down for parking?) The good...fun to look at the neat stuff..had a nice guy make me a $15 large pizza that was outstanding! very helpful staff..I for one am glad they are here!

Anonymous said...

Has anyone tried the lamb fries at WF?

Anonymous said...

6:16. Please admit you have been drinking, or a product of JPS. Read your post. Not worthy of the dignity of JJ.

Anonymous said...

I went and my truck got broken into. Took an hour for Jackson's finest to show up. Luckily, I had my gun on my person and they didn't actually steal anything. Just damaged the door and rummaged through.

Kingfish said...

I never understood why the hate for Whole Foods or why so much attention. Its just a grocery store. High end, yes, but still a grocery store. Shouldn't deserve that much attention good or bad. Granted, the parking does look like it sucks but thats about it.

No inside info, no rumors, but I would not be shocked if that gas station or bank's days are numbered.

Anonymous said...

I hate it. I can't use my Trustmark branch there anymore, since there is NEVER anywhere to park! If I were Trustmark, I would demand customer parking and put a security guard there.

I have tried actually going to the WF store, but after 3 tries I've given up, as there is no parking. As to making a parking lot across the street? Good luck with taking groceries across there and not getting hit by a car or mugged on the other side.

Anonymous said...

I heard that the lease on that Chevron corner comes up for renewal in 30 to 60 days and it will not be renewed. And for all of you professional bashes out there WF owns up to 80% of Highland Village now therefor they can do what they want to do. Whine away!

Kingfish said...

Trustmark could probably take over that former Regions building across the street if still vacant

Anonymous said...

Who the hell ever heard of 'air chilled chicken'? As the comments about 'food tasting better than Kroger' and 'meat and fish' being better, please identify which of those products you have EVER bought at Kroger only to be disatisfied.

The grand opening staff at every store is superb. That's why they're selected from other locations and the home office. That too will wear off once they had back home and the food stamp crowd winds up at the register. And if you ask someone who 'ain't my aisle', you'll get the same replies. "You might check over on six. Or Sixteen".

Anonymous said...

I agree, KF.

For those with dietary restrictions,( lactose or gluten intolerance as examples) , Whole Foods increases the selections available in the area.

They have items, Rainbow and the tiny section at Kroger don't have.

They also have some gourmet items not available elsewhere for those who enjoy cooking.

For those who can't cook for themselves anymore ( and it's expensive to cook for one or two as well),it again expands the available choices.

I realize that Whole Foods doesn't appeal to everyone. I don't think that those who don't like it are odd humans. They simply have different priorities and tastes and lifestyle choices.

Sometimes, different is neither bad nor good, just different. When did we forget that? And, when did conformity of thought become a good thing?

Anonymous said...

Remove the Chevron and you'll generate far more hard feelings towards WF than the improved parking will resolve.

Anonymous said...

I think Whole Foods is a fabulous addition to the Jackson grocery market. I have been just about every day since it opened and have had little trouble finding a parking space. Perhaps it's my eagerness and anticipation that makes parking easier. The produce is outstanding, the staff is friendly and helpful. Thank you, Whole Foods, for being here!

Kingfish said...

Actually it needs to happen. The white folks go to the Chevron, the black folks go to the Exxon and Shell. Tearing it down will force everyone to go to the same gas stations. Whole Foods. Bringing people together. Who can argue with such a goal?

Anonymous said...

Appreciate the sarcasm but that Chevron means far more to the population of the area than WF does. I don't think it is lost on Whitwell how many reliable voting senior citizens count on that station.

Anonymous said...

I've always heard that the land the Chevron occupies is owned by the owners of the Chevron, not rented from Highland Village. Trustmark got screwed after spending a lot of money renovating that branch office. Highland Village should have built a multi-level parking garage up by Bravo.

Anonymous said...

Is that some new city park on Maurey? There is a United States flag flying there and people are picnicking now.

Anonymous said...

Pros:

#1--good selection of organic items for those who want to eat that way
#2--a lot of things are in that store one can't get anywhere else
#3--it's generating a lot of 'buzz' for our area in the region--we need 'positive mississippi' spoken a lot more

cons:
#1-the prices are a bit high on most items-but it's a focus on the quality of the food. spend more, eat less
#2--every whole foods parking lot is like that--just youtube 'whole foods parking lot'--a rap parody made in los angeles. same thing here in our store
#3--people shopping there will hurt other established businesses--mcdades? kroger? fresh market? rainbow? time will tell that story

Anonymous said...

Gas station owner does not own that land. Everything bordered by frontage, northside and old canton up to the parking at bravo is HV

Anonymous said...

I wonder how long it will be before other Highland Village tenants start looking to move, due to the parking problems?

(Maison Weiss would be great for Madison.)

Anonymous said...

There are those that will support local ownership as a matter of conviction. There are more who support local ownership because it's hip and then cast aspersions at others as if they're superior because of their false "convictions" to support local. It is the latter that will run gleefully to WF because WF is even more hip than supporting local ownership. We are watching this happen as we speak. It's not WF that annoys the rest of us. It's the "hip"ocrasy of the hipster crowd.

Anonymous said...

"Good luck with taking groceries across there and not getting hit by a car or mugged on the other side."

I hadn't thought about the hazards of a senior citizen pushing a buggy full of groceries across Old Canton Road - this doesn't sound like a practical solution.

I had to park at Bravo on Friday to pick up flowers from A Daisy A Day because the parking lot was jammed in the afternoon.

Anonymous said...

Doctor friend of mine witnessed the customer in front of him at WF buying over $100 worth of lamb, beef, and seafood with an EBT card. Not joking.

Anonymous said...

10:48...They do accept EBT. So what's your point? That is the intended use of EBT...to purchase food. Never understood the EBT recipient haters. The grocery stores come out as winners in the whole EBT debate anyway.

Anonymous said...

Rocky Mountain oysters are low in carbs. Does Whole Foods carry them?

Anonymous said...

A hip small business killing big boxer is at its heart still a small business killing big box store. It won't take long to figure out the mistake.

Anonymous said...

@ 11:21, same reason Habitat For Humanity doesn't build mansions. There's a difference between essentials and luxury. If you don't get it, you won't get it.

Anonymous said...

"Bringing people together" was a "Goal"? Bullshit. Citation please.

Anonymous said...

I've not visited WF because I'm neither a foodie nor a hipster nor willing to pay inflated prices because packaging has the word "organic" on it. Nor do I want to purchase from food bars likely crawling with e coli and other pesky organisms. Pretentious foodies bother me as much as pretentious Fondrenites arguing over their favorite barista. In fact, I've not been to Highland Village since Old Tyme Deli closed. And yes, that means I don't patronize Bravo either.

Anonymous said...

Pros: I really like the WF, V Day flowers were a hit at a good price and the "buy a steak, get a lobster tail" sale was cool. I paid a little more for the steaks but got lobster, so it was worth it. Parking isn't an issue unless you are opposed to parking more than 10 spaces from the front door. There is parking down the street beside it and behind the store too.

Cons: The nice bread section has open loaves of bread sitting out, along with cookies. I was in that area of the store talking to a friend as I watched people come along and just take and eat cookies, like they were samples. Worst thing I saw was an older guy pickup and put back 4 different loaves of bread, just picked them up and inspected them like they were tomatoes. This was a big turn off for me. Please WF, wrap up your bread...it looks good and I would buy some but not with it sitting out. Same goes for the candy bins.

Anonymous said...

@11:21, Of course the grocery stores come out the winners, just like Walmart Coke, Pepsi, Frito Lay, etc., are you just now figuring that out? EBT is just another way to tax earners and give the money to these massive industries by way of "providing nutrition" to the needy. Win-Win - ensnared lifetime voters and big corporate money backing.

Anonymous said...

Fair warning--I am by nature a skeptic,border line cynic--just visited store--I think Whole Foods is crazy to locate a store in Jackson,Ms---I THINK WE ARE CRAZY TO BITCH ABOUT OUR GOOD FORTUNE TO HAVE THEM HERE!!

Anonymous said...

Upset HV sold in the first place. I sure hope Chevron is not closed....good service, good people.

Anonymous said...

"Bringing people together" was a "Goal"? Bullshit. Citation please.

Believe a bit of that was sarc....

Take a chill pill, pookie.

Anonymous said...

It probably couldn't happen logistically/economically, but it would be great to keep the gas station and the Trustmark branch by moving them across the street instead of putting additional parking over there.

Anonymous said...

I pray that Chevron DOESN'T close or leave. Fantastic folks work there and mechanics are excellent. Its actually a real gas station, not a stop-n-rob. My 85 year old mother also goes there--feels comfortable, safe, and they are so nice to her, it just takes you back in time.

crap crap crap! It just can't close.

Anonymous said...

"The white folks go to the Chevron, the black folks go to the Exxon and Shell" with due respect, KF, you've got to be kidding me.

The Chevron has mechanics there who can work on your car, fix a flat, change the oil, etc. Its a 'service station', not a totsum. they will get the gas business as well as the mechanic business.

The Exxon and Shell close by--can get gas, no mechanic/no flat tire/no oil change/no help if having any car problems. Just gas and totsum. The Exxon does have Sweet Daddy's BBQ, which is excellent. Doesn't help me if I'm having car problems though, which is what I want in a 'service station'.

Anonymous said...

That Chevron station is beloved by many people. If WF causes it to be torn down, they will have a PR nightmare on their hands. I suspect many people would decide to bypass WF permanently if that happened. I know I would.

Anonymous said...

The Chevron has mechanics there who can work on your car, fix a flat, change the oil, etc. Its a 'service station', not a totsum

And can tune up your lawnmower. Those guys are good!

Anonymous said...

I'm with KF on this. I work at HV and thye parking was bad last week, This week, it's okay. And 7:18, yeah, I have had some bad crap come form McDades (bad case of food poisoning) and Kroger... well, let's see. One time, dead fly stuck on my salmon and another time, LIVE baby cockroach running around in my fish when I got home. So yes, you can can bad stuff anywhere. WF is a good thing.

bill said...

Will get around to visiting WF one of these days, but in the meantime can someone fill me in on how it's better than Fresh Market? I don't like to drive south of the Renaissance, but will if it's worth it.

Anonymous said...

As long as Whole Foods is carrying some gourmet beef pizzle everything is going to be just fine.

Anonymous said...

Do they truly believe the empty and parked JPD cruiser is a deterrent to Jackustan's good will ambassadors?

Anonymous said...

4:11 PM - sure, just ask February 16 9:25 PM

Anonymous said...

What JPD needs to do is invest in a bunch of blow up dummies to place in the cars (think of the character Otto, the automatic pilot, in the Airplane movie). Put a cop hat on them and a shirt....would scare the hell out of me.

Anonymous said...

Bill, it's not better , it's similar but different.
Whole Foods has some brands Fresh Market doesn't carry. And, I think you get wider selection of " to go" foods at Whole Market. You can also " eat in" at Whole Foods.

4:11 pm You will often see empty police cars at Highland Village. There's a precinct office there!

Anonymous said...

Bill,
My wife and I went to WF Saturday. We didn't like it. It's not better than Fresh Market. We will go back to making the drive from 39211 to Fresh Market.

Anonymous said...

I prefer Whole Foods to Fresh Market, and for some things I prefer Whole Foods to Kroger. I don't shop at McDade's, because I prefer the food I pay my money for to be within the expiration date range, and that is often not the case at McDade's.

Whole Foods is for you if you like to cook. If you don't really like to cook, then Fresh Market is ok. FM has a lot more pre-cooked foods. Whole Foods has more produce, more raw bulk food supplies (like nuts, flours, beans and the like).

I don't like the parking but I've never had trouble finding a spot. I just park at the first one I see and walk to the door in about 10 seconds. And then I laugh at the giant SUV who is waiting for 10 minutes for a space by the front door.

The meat I've gotten at WF has been outstanding. The chicken breasts, thighs, and individual sausages from the deli have been great.

The produce has been ok. I think Kroger's produce is just as good.

All in all I applaud them for coming and I hope they make a lot of money here. I think size wise it is not a big store when you compare it to the ones in Louisiana. I think within the next 3-5 years we could see another WF in the Jackson Metro area.

NMissC said...

Someone expressed dubiousness about air-dry chicken.

Go to Krogers. Read the labels on most of the chick and note they have an allowed percentage of brine added. That's brine, salt and water. You are paying for water. You are paying to oversalt your food.

A couple of brands minimize it, but check inside the plastic and see if you can find a single brand that isn't waterlogged.

Now, go to WF. Look at their chicken. It is dry. It does not have added salt or water. If you were to take some home and cook it, you would discover that it browns better, produces better crispy skin, and in just every way is a better thing to eat. AND you have the added benefit of not having to open a package and have pretty disgusting chicken juice spread about in your kitchen.

A gain worth paying for, in my opinion.

Relating to another comment, about someone using an EDF card for items said to be luxury. What I read was "someone is using an EDF card to buy good nutritious food they will be cooking at home and not prepackaged precooked crap. In my experience, you can eat cheaper buying somewhat pricy raw ingredients than buying crappy processed food.

Anonymous said...

You have become a Donna Ladd shithead by culling rebuttals to stupid shit comments. Argue back??? Culled.

Phuck you.

Anonymous said...

The parking area proposed across Old Canton Road will be for WF employees.
Kimwood will be closed for vehicular traffic and the lots and road areas will be well landscaped.

Anonymous said...

I agree with 6:29. You ignored 2 of my defense of Jackson comebacks. Useless as the bigots that paint us anything positive.

Anonymous said...

Yup, spot zoning.

Anonymous said...

I agree with 3:19 and 3:43 PM. If Chevron has to close due to a grocery store, then screw the grocery store.

I shop at Kroger, McDades, and Macs. Depends on what I need at that time. All three are good stores.

What we don't have is a damn good service station with mechanics.

Anonymous said...

Highland Village owns the dirt underneath the Chevron. If indeed the lease is ready to expire, HV has the right to bulldoze the gas station and do whatever they want with it. If the Chevron is so good and the customers so loyal, then the Chevron can lease or buy their own dirt and build their own station. Or is that too free market for some of you? Why, if all you NE Jackson conservatives are all about free markets, do you even give a rip about WH?? Spend your money anywhere you want. I really don't care.

Anonymous said...

The tire kickers have come and gone. It's busy, but I have had zero trouble getting a parking spot this last week.

Glad to have the option, even if the prices are high. It certainly has made Kroger pick up their game.

Anonymous said...

@11:19
I don't live in Jackson, so I'm not a "NE Jackson Conservative".

"..too free market.." what a sad statement. That Chevron is a good place with good mechanics--something extremely hard to come by--and its been there for many many years.

"do you even give a rip about Whole Foods?" I thought it was just another grocery store. I didn't worship them before, not going to start now. Its.a. grocery.store.

If Highland Village boots the one gas station I go to with honest folks, then that's their choice.

Its also my choice not to shop at this place (HV or the groc), keep grocery shopping at the places I like, and hopefully the one damn thing we actually need (honest mechanics) will set up shop at a nearby location.

Honesty and good service is what I like and what I will continue to support.

Anonymous said...

Correction - I meant "why do you give a rip about WF?" It's just a grocery store. If you don't like it, don't go there. I shop a Kroger, McDade's and now WF. Choice is good.
If the Chevron goes, it goes. I never shop there anyway because the gas costs too much. They'll find another home. Successful businesses always do.

Anonymous said...

Well then there you have it. The definitive voice @ 12:51 AM doesn't frequent the Chevron.

Ophelia said...

I am hugely amused that this topic has inspired so many passionate comments (yes, my own included...) At the end of the day, KF is right: it's just a high-end grocery store, you numbskulls---not a cleverly-designed front for al Qaida operatives, nor a Communist plot...it's just a pretty place that sells fancy vittles. Go and shop, or don't go and shop...your choice! Sheesh, and double-sheesh.

It's kind of like Maison Weiss. If I feel fragile and in need of something pricey and luxurious to dry my *lacrima rerum*, I'll go shop there, as a treat. If I want to save money and get something just as cute for a fraction of the cost, I'll cruise SteinMart, or maybe Repeat Street.

It's more about psychology than food, as all high-end retailers well know. But I do admit that if I were behind someone in line who was using EBT card to buy LAMB, I'd probably go just as ballistic as some of the crazier crazies on this site!

Anonymous said...

That Chevron has been an eyesore for years and needs to go. It is also dangerous for cars to be turning in and out so close to the intersection.

The Trustmark could and should go as well.

Good riddance to both.

Anonymous said...

Thank you 10:38. Remember that tacky ass shell that use to be across the street???

Finally a sane comment on that dirty, grease bucket.

CLOSE IT.

Anonymous said...

It is also dangerous for cars to be turning in and out so close to the intersection.

No more dangerous (probably less so) than the entrance/exit to Julep.

Anonymous said...

I guess we need to put a vase of flowers out front. Cuz that's what reeeeealy matters---

Anonymous said...

Busy drive time for the Exit 100 panhandlers tonight. The Whole Foods customers are mighty generous.

Anonymous said...

It's called a big city, rube ass at 6:07. If you are uncomfortable and can't handle the stress of panhandlers, move to Bolton.

SUCH a hick!

Anonymous said...

The rumors about Chevron are false. Whole foods may WANT to tear it down for parking, but cant. The lease runs through 2017.

Larry LeFleur said...

Car #1229 checking in. Hasn't moved in 7+ days. Deterrent factor = ZILCH. Though the folks living in Eastover may be fooled ... or fooled fools.

Exit 100 panhandlers packed it in when the rain began but they made some green today.

Welcome to LeFleur East!!!

Anonymous said...

Why do you Rankin and Madison County rednecks obsess about Jackson's victory in Whole Foods. Really. Why? Enjoy your strip centers. We are happy for you!

KaptKangaroo said...

Rednecks? Victory?

We in Rankin enjoy life without your concerns for having to cheerlead something you need more than us.

Anonymous said...

Why do you Rankin and Madison County rednecks obsess over anything good in Jackson. Really. Why?

Anonymous said...

Well 11:18, it's because there are so few good things there.

Anonymous said...

9:22 doesn't get out much apparently.

Anonymous said...

Is everyone in Jacktown "touchy"? or "affected" by others? or "mad"? You can take it any way you want. I don't give a shiv one way or another. Funny, but I want Jackson to succeed on many levels. I have a problem with those who think they have to only cheerlead to get there.

Seriously, I'm not married to a piece of land. The challenge with those critical of outlanders of Hinds County is that we wish, hope and shiv in the other hand when we consider the other hand in bringing Jackson to the city it could be.

Anonymous said...

11:14. Too many cocktails. How does your head feel right now?

Anonymous said...

11:14? Where?

Anonymous said...

Appears that Twitterwell is once again working to pit neighbor against neighbor. How about an update on this Kimwood situation KF?



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.