Wednesday, October 23, 2013

All too familiar

Just another crime story from Belhaven:

Hey Bud, Sat. AM about 9, my son is a graduate student at UMC. He and two other grad students' rental house was broken into Saturday morning about 9 AM. None of the residents' vehicles were there, and that may be why they broke in - but I don't know. One one of the residents was there in his bedroom. My boy had just left.

The kid in his bedroom hears some noise in the kitchen and other parts of the house and calls out for my son (thinking it was him). He got no reply.

He looks out the back bedroom window and sees a black dude walking out to his car and the dude returns with what looks like a gun. The resident naturally is sacred shitless, grabs his phone and runs out the side door.

The burglar comes back in the house and kicks in the locked interior bedroom door where the resident was located, and proceeds to steal his laptop and contends of his backpack.

The burglar(s?) also stole from my boy's bedroom his laptop with all his personal data, school work and assignments on it, his shotgun and his large screen TV which my sick mother gave him.

When the residents returned they saw that the thugs had another large screen TV ripped from the wall and sitting in the floor (it as going to).

Scary thing to me is that the jerk came BACK into the house knowing (or believing) that it was occupied.
Makes me think that he was willing to confront the occupant and, if he had to, shoot him.

Yikes!!!!

54 comments:

Anonymous said...

Get an alarm

Anonymous said...

and a big dog

Anonymous said...

sounds like the resident who was at home should have gone to the son's room and grabbed the shotgun instead of his phone.

Avery Wiseman said...

To save us all some time, JFP interns and other Jackson apologists are kindly requested to comment by simply referencing the number of your excuse below. Your cooperation in this matter is appreciated.


1. "The victim should have had an alarm/dog/gun/better lock."

2. "Crime happens everywhere."

3. "That's just the price you pay for living in a *cough* *cough* big city."

4. "How do we really know any of this actually happened?"

5. "What did the victim do to the robber to make him want to take his things?"

6. "How do you know he wasn't just borrowing those items?"

7. "Blaming a black male, huh? You racist."

8. "We're getting a Whole Foods"

Anonymous said...

Hilarious if not so true, 9:44 (especially the JFP part). You did leave out one constant JFP refrain, though: 9. "White flight to Madison County caused all this and the problems at the Jackson Zoo, too."

Anonymous said...

So the occupant had a shotgun, which was stolen...what is wrong with that picture?

Anonymous said...

It's hard to imagine taking a human life; but after hearing this and knowing what happened recently at Motel 6, I'm warming to the idea.
These thugs know that the judges in Hinds County will let them out, regardless of the crime. Stealing is their business. Getting a gun to potentially kill the occupant is just all in a days work.
There's nothing white folks in Jackson can do about this, because we are ALL racist. I keep waiting for the black community to step up and get tough on this kind of crime. The citizen voters of Jackson should demand more from the judges and other leaders. Our society is devolving because of crap like this.

Anonymous said...

Which street, please?

The Libertarian said...

Sweet mother of God! Please tell me Tom Head is okay?!?!?! He is a Jackson insitution and treasure, please tell me he's okay!!

Anonymous said...

Alarms are great if they're monitored, but who would sit at home on a Saturday morning with the alarm activated? Also, even if you hit the panic button and set if off, would JPD come in time to catch the bad guy or scare him off? I doubt it. Better to get out if you can and shoot it out if you absolutely have to.

Anonymous said...

thank God the occupants were not harmed. So sad.

Anonymous said...

I have lived in Belhaven for 28 years and find it to be a wonderful neighborhood with relatively few crime problems like this one. Having said that, crime does happen everywhere, including in Madison County, so if some thug like that criminal described makes it past my two big dogs, which would be hard to do, and is foolish enough to break in my house, I have an arsenal of weapons that will await him. If anybody breaks in my house where my wife and 3 little girls live, either I or my wife, or both of us, will be shooting to kill.

Anonymous said...

This is so sad, it reminds me of the August home invasion in Hattiesburg where a USM student from Jackson was killed defending his home and roommates. Apparently the thugs in Jackson have no respect for live, as evidenced with the pro fisherman losing his life. If at possible, leave the home and save your life. Items can be replaced. My daughter is thinking of buying a home in Jackson, and I have cautioned her to reconsider due to the crime, and possible tax increases. It is a shame to see the flight from our capital, but I would not live in Jackson at this time of my life.

Anonymous said...

8:45, please explain in fifty words or less what damned good you believe 'an alarm' would have done in this case.

I know every person has not warmed up to the notion of being armed or having a weapon in the house, but, this guy should have had his own weapon and should be trained in its use. Or, hell, at least raise the damned window and run off down the street instead of cowering in the damned corner. What the Hell?

Calling Bullshit said...

10:48: While you're claiming an untruth to debunk the notion that Jackson is Little Detroit (a fallacy by the way), please link us to your list of similar crimes in Madison, Clinton, Byram, Pearl, Flowood and Flora. Take your time.

Anonymous said...

A dog will do no good. They'll just kill it. Heck they might even take it home and eat it. And quit comparing the guy that got shot in Hattiesburg to the crime in Jackson. The Hattiesburg incident is why you don't deal drugs.

Anonymous said...

Suggestion. Move the hell out of Jackson and Hinds County.

Anonymous said...

October 23, 2013 at 10:48 AM = illogical

mbrookes said...

What did he do with his phone? Call 911? Did police show up? There is a lot untold here. I live in Belhaven and know there is a crime problem. I want to know what happened after the guy ran out the side door.
By the way, I also shoot to kill.

Anonymous said...

Cops showed. By then perps were gone with the loot. They did follow up today with requests for serial numbers of stolen items.

Lana Dodd said...

This is the legacy of Jackson's and Mississippi's past. Crime happens everywhere and it's just the price we pay for city living, but I find it troubling that you mentioned his race. Most enlightened media will not mention such a fact because they're not racist (like the poster obviously is). Frankly, I doubt this really happened, and if it did, what did the occupants do to provoke the man? With all the obvious advantages white have from generations of racism and greed, it's only right that you allow him to borrow things your ancestors stole from his. If it weren't for all the white flight and the racist white people who live outside Fondren, this wouldn't have happened.

By the way, the Zoo fundraiser that was held next to Whole Foods was wonderful! I'm so glad they shipped animals in so I could see them. Why would anyone want to move the Zoo? No reason but racism. That's why we had a party in Highland Village, to help allay the racism.

Now, let's talk about starting a gay rodeo in Jackson...

Anonymous said...

Thats good 4:13, I wish you could have somehow included Frank Melton , Best of awards, and living in New York for a few years in your post.

That Guy said...

Hello fellow commenters on Jacksonjambalaya. I hope you all have enjoyed your daily troll as much as I have. Let me introduce myself, I am That Guy.

Like everyone that loves America (by that, I mean conservatives), I hate Jackson, but I love strip-malls. I believe that everyone that disagrees with me on that point is Donna Ladd, an intern of hers, or a JFP reader. In fact, all I see at night when I go to sleep is Donna Ladd. Donna. Donna. Donna. Donna. I swear, I am not obsessed. Have I forgotten to make a Whole Foods joke yet? Oh by the way, I actually believe that every Jackson apologist thinks that everyone who makes a negative comment about Jackson is being racist. You read that right, I actually believe that.

I make the same tired jokes over and over again because I think it really hits home. In fact, 4:13's post is not almost identical to 9:44's post at all.

If you live in Jackson, you are either Donna Ladd or a thug. You can take it from me because I post anonymously on the internet.

Anonymous said...

In fact, all I see at night when I go to sleep is Donna Ladd. Donna. Donna. Donna. Donna.

Frequent nightmares is a severe mental disorder. Seek counseling as soon as possible.

Hom Thead said...

Oh please. Any discussion of this isolated incident, in order to be even borderline adequate, would have to involve a double-blind, placebo-controlled panel discussion that in inclusive on the basis of race, gender, trans-gender, economic background, religion, faith, ethnicity, color, and queerness. I will put on my ACLU and LGBT hats (which are FABULOUS!!) in order to chair this panel discussion. I believe I will also write a self-published book about it that noone wil read, and then will attempt to find an online college that will grant me a degree with this materpiece as my thesis. Don't worry, whatever online college I choose will be well-accredited by and in good standing with the Official International Council of Distance-Based Learning Institutions That Do Not Have Or Need Traditional Facilities, Faculties, Students, or Accreditation. But you already know who I am? Have I mentioned how many Twitter followers I have? If you don't know me already, it is because you are a racist, bigoted, anti-LGBT and semitic narrow-minded homophobe. And, don't forget my proudest achievement: Donna allows me to write free articles on occasion for her free "newspaper!" That is a whole new line on my resume.

Anonymous said...

I'm reminded of the fake reports of shootings on or near the stack. What's next?

Kingfish said...

It was pretty creepy. Sometimes I allow such comments to show how stupid people can really be.

Pugnacious said...

I predicted thi upsurge of home invasions a year ago, after the scrap metal terrorists have gleaned all the copper, aluminum and ferrous metals from home, farms and business sites. I don't know about the JPD or Hinds county law enforcement investigators, but these clowns over here in the Black Prairie(Clay, Lowndes, Noxubee and Oktibbeha) consider "property" crimes non-violent and not worthy of investigations. And the scalawag justice court judges over here turn a blind eye to "property" crimes since they are never targeted. But get caught with "pot" and they send in the gangbusters.

Donald Dan said...

Hey That Guy, when Donna Ladd and RL Nave's response to the murder of an out-of-town sportsman is to gripe that white people care too much about the crime and not enough about the murder of a black man because they're all, to a man, racists...

and when Donna turns a well-intentioned effort to explore moving the Zoo into a blame-whitey-for-leaving screed (even using the pejorative term "I see black people") while hosting a fund raiser in the whiter part of town...

and when Donna claims that signs put up in all wards on election day that say, "Vote Today...the future of Jackson depends on it" are a stealth racist tactic to scare white people into voting for Lee over Lumumba...

and when Donna writes a dozen articles connecting a conservative woman who grew up in Alaska to the Confederacy and to slavery...

...yeah, it's not hard to believe that she thinks everyone who dares criticize Jackson is a racist. It's damn near all she talks about. You should know that, as one of her staffers.

See what I did there?

Anonymous said...

8:47. Keep fighting that good fight against Donna, but from your post, it's easy to assume that you are much more obsessed with her than I would be even in an alternate universe in which you were correct about me being one of her staffers.

Not everyone who sticks up for Jackson is aligned with Ladd. Not everything needs to be oversimplified.

Anonymous said...

Hey "Calling Bullshit," that's what I'm doing on your ridiculous implication that Clinton and those other towns you named have never had a criminal break in a house with a pistol. Crime in Clinton has greatly escalated lately, according to my friends who live there, including crimes in which the criminal(s) had guns. Byram doesn't have any crimes like the one KF described? Give me a break.

Anonymous said...

10:10; I'll buy you lunch at the Krystal of your choice if you can show where I claimed that 'there had never been a criminal break in a house with a pistol' in towns adjoining Jacktown.

It was you who clearly implied that 'it happens everywhere' and it is you who believes this sort of thug activity is just typical, every-night activity. It's not and you're stupid for implying that. You made those claims and I asked you to list similar instances. You failed to do so because you can't back up your bullshit. Now, take a seat and adjust that dunce cap. And be careful not to trip over that imaginary 'arsenal of weapons'.

Anonymous said...

SIGH

The reactions to any crime incident in Jackson are so repetitive, bloggers are making fun of the repetitiveness.

It is telling , however, that the reaction to similar or worse crimes in other Mississippi communities doesn't result in fear to live in or enter those communities.

There are several towns /cities in Mississippi that have a higher crime rates per capita than Jackson. Yet, you visit those towns and don't urge their residents to move.

Chattanooga has a worse crime rate than Jackson yet most of you would have no trouble living there or going there.

6 million+ whites ( stats include Hispanics as white) versus 2 million+ blacks were arrested for crimes in the US last year.

If you think you are only at risk from blacks, you are being foolish. If you think you are only at risk in Jackson, you are being foolish. If you don't know that crime in the US has fallen since our early history, you are ignorant. If you don't know crime is related to economics more than race and that living in an upscale community has ALWAYS meant you are less at risk, you are ignorant.

When the pop. of the US increases from 100000 to 300000 , the crime will increase. That's a flat earth, no brainer. We should be glad crime hasn't increased proportionally.

In 1950, if there was a child snatched or horribly abused in Iowa, you didn't know it.You didn't know movie stars were getting into trouble or that Presidents had affairs either.

Guard houses, gates, dogs, and alarms are deterrents not immunities. Guns may help once the criminal is in your house but unless you advertise that you are armed, how will they know? Indeed, guns are something criminals WANT to steal AND they know they can get the drop on you even if you have a gun.DUH. The objective is to keep them OUT of your house.

The Jackson bashers are over-reacting. Jackson is a city. Madison is a suburb. Cities have more crime than suburbs or rural communities. That has been true throughout human history. Nevertheless,people still live in cities.

There is value in reporting such an incident to put people on alert. Such an incident is not significant in the course of human history.








Anonymous said...

Good post, 8:07 a.m. To "Calling Bullshit," three teens were arrested for a home invasion crime spree that began with their terrorizing a robbing owners of a Chinese restaurant in Clinton. Dec. 2010. Two men arrested for Byram home invasion. Responsible for a rash of such crimes in Byram. Sept. 2010. These are two of many, many examples.

8:07 a.m. is correct that less of these crimes occur in the suburbs, but folks on here who actually believe that they can leave their doors unlocked in one of the suburbs are deluding themselves. Of course, most don't really believe that. They just like to bash Jackson and talk trash about the black folks. You know who I'm talking about; the same people who scream about "taking back OUR country."

Anonymous said...

YAWN ... Ssnnnooorrreeeee .... ZZZZZZZzzzzzz

Anonymous said...

"There are several towns /cities in Mississippi that have a higher crime rates per capita than Jackson. "

Name one.

FYI - last I heard, Chattanooga is in Tennessee, not MS.

8:37 I see you had to go all the way back to fall 2010 to find reports of similar crime in Clinton and Byram. If you back to 2005 or so there was a murder at the Madison McDonald's in Madison too. You don't get that no one claimed there has NEVER been a violent crime in ANY suburb. That is a total BS straw man you are setting up. Jackson's murder rate and car theft rate have been the highest or near the highest in the country a few times in the past decade.

Incidentally - I don't want anyone, BLACK OR WHITE, breaking into my house, stealing my stuff, or committing violence against my spouse or kids. Please stop projecting your own racism on others. My black neighbors moved onto my street for much the same reasons I did.

Anonymous said...

Thank you 8:07 am 10/24/13 for trying to inject logic and sanity into this thread. Of course you will be singled out and mocked as a Jacktown apologist and your points dismissed as Laddist nonsense.

Anonymous said...


Jackson and Hinds County are lost. Kaput!

Anonymous said...

8:07

First, 40% of individuals incarcerated for crimes in the U.S. are black. Blacks compose 13% of the total U.S. population. Blacks are incarcerated for crimes at a rate 7 times higher per 100,000 people, than whites. The black population incarceration rate in urban areas whether it's majority black or majority white is relatively the same across the U.S.

Please, don't attempt to use statistics, they will not look good and only provide ammunition without providing any answers.

Secondly, guns are part of a system. It's simply stupid to assert, as you most certainly did, that ownership of guns is equal to becoming a richer target for criminals. A bad guy will not get the "drop" on an individual if they employ even simple everyday awareness.

Quite frankly, this dependent attitude is likely the biggest cause for much of the degradation of society. I don't care if you live in the country, the city or a gated community. Levels of protection with a little situational awareness and a means to protect oneself and one's family usually means the bad guy does not win.

You just never see those stories in the main stream news.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know the specific location of this crime? I'm not really interested in all the comments about the merits of living where ever, I would just like to know where this happened. I like my neighborhood and willingly assume whatever risks, real or perceived, that come with it. Though it would not make the crime less frightening, sometimes folks who don't live in the area mistake Belhaven Heights for Belhaven proper. I have heard Belhaven called both mid-town and downtown. Further, some houses have physical characteristics that make them more vulnerable. My greatest concern would be that my non-driving children would be home alone (hence no cars in the drive) and the house would be mistaken as vacant. Knowing the location would be a helpful fact.

Anonymous said...

8:47 - You can arrest people all day long, but if they don't stay in jail, what's your point? Let's not look at the arrest record but rather what percent of a criminal's sentence is actually served.

Anonymous said...

8:07, in your fallacy-laden diatribe regarding cities and suburbs, you overlook one important fact, as follows: In the city of Jackson, law enforcement is afraid of the criminal element. In the suburbs surrounding Jackson, they are NOT.

Omissions can be forgiven. Intentional bullshit cannot.

Lando D. Nad said...

Wow! Donna and the JFP faithful astroturfed the HELL out of this thread!

Anonymous said...

10:16 am Apparently, you find the FBI to be untrustworthy or else you didn't take a statistics course.

Arrests vs convictions have a different set of variables. If you are stuck with a court appointed attorney, that's a different set of statistics.

The information I provided is that the earth is round not flat. You don't want to believe the earth is round.

Anonymous said...

I don't give a hoot what Donna or you bloggers want to believe.

When it comes to crime, the research is mountainous and you folks really ought to be informed.

Anonymous said...

I don't give a hoot what Donna or you bloggers want to believe.

Anonymous doesn't give a hoot. BFD.

Dolan Nadd said...

I'll make a deal with you. I'll leave my car parked with the keys in it at Dogwood Festival. You leave your car parked with the keys in it at Triangle Mart, or Westland Plaza, or Jacksonian Plaza, or Twin Peaks...you choose (and don't be a racist by using the locals' skin color to decide which location). Then let's see which car gets pinched first.

Anonymous said...

I'm one of the student's dad. This crime occurred in Belhaven - not Belhaven Heights. It's a rental house. They didn't have a steel security door - they do now. The thug pried open a back for with a crowbar. As said, house was occupied by insofar the residents at the time - 9 am Sat a

Anonymous said...

4:14

Why would I distrust the FBI or need to take a statistics course? I provided you information directly from the FBI. Maybe you need to go get your parents to explain to you logic and common sense.

Or perhaps you need to extract your cranial vault from your rectal cavity. Arrests doesn't tell a story. Incarcerations implies being convicted of a crime, arrested does not. You appear to want to give weight that "arrested" is as to the world being round and "convicted" is the world being flat? Really?

Hey, I'll play your stupid little game and beat you like a drum at it. Statistically, the world is more flat than it is round. It has way more flat area than it has round area.


4:16

if an anonymous owl doesn't give a hoot in the woods, does it really matter?

Anonymous said...

9:28 pm Vicksburg

I know where Chattanooga is. You missed the point.

Those who bash Jackson and declare they wouldn't live there or go downtown for any reason have no trouble visiting cities with higher crime rates or having children and grandchildren live in those cities. Nor would they turn down a promotion to live in those cities.

Or, are some of you so fearful and anxious that you'd turn down a major opportunity and career boost and deny your children the opportunity to be big fish in a larger pond?

What's really funny is that Mississippians don't know what how really bad crime can be. Because we are poor and uneducated, our criminal element reflects that. We don't get the smart criminals, we get the dregs. Y'all would be cowering in a corner if your news was serial killers and professional theives committing crimes regularly!

Anonymous said...

" the opportunity to be big fish in a larger pond"

You are hopelessly mixing your metaphors here. People go to less desirable locations because they see a personal advantage (the saying is "a big fish in a small pond" - like Jon Stewart's "that's like being the thinnest kid at fat camp").

Having lived in much larger cities than Jackson, I do know what white-collar crime is like. What you don't realize is that most normal people have a much more visceral reaction to the prospect of violent crime, which is what we see in Jackson, and don't see so much in Madison, Brandon, etc. I couldn't care less about somebody who embezzles millions from their employer or their investors in a big city, unless I am one of those investors. I do worry about break-ins by armed thugs in my own home, which is why I don't live in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

9:25 am

SIGH I know the metaphor. I wasn't trying to quote the metaphor.

I was using a metaphor that I assumed everyone knew to suggest that a big fish in a small pond might like to become the big fish in a somewhat larger pond and in doing so, grow to be a larger fish.

Fish can increase size with more water volume.

I mistakenly assume this basic science knowledge was also well known.

My bad. Thanks for pointing it out.





Anonymous said...

10:21 Bless your heart, you don't seem to understand basic biology - the "big fish" in a small pond usually gets eaten by the much larger fish in the big pond.

See - I can be condescending too.

Anonymous said...

"SIGH
...It is telling , however, that the reaction to similar or worse crimes in other Mississippi communities doesn't result in fear to live in or enter those communities."

Oh, yeah? Ever heard of Greenville? Ever heard of Canton? Meridian? You think that 'reaction' to crimes in those places doesn't result in fear to live in or enter... ?

"There are several towns /cities in Mississippi that have a higher crime rates per capita than Jackson. Yet, you visit those towns and don't urge their residents to move."

We visit those places and don't urge their residents to move? Really? Honey, it is rather routine, now, for kids of elderly stuck in places like Port Gibson or Vicksburg to come and MOVE their parents out of harm's way (often taking the parents back to whatever safer corner of America to which the kids have moved)

"Chattanooga has a worse crime rate than Jackson yet most of you would have no trouble living there or going there."

I drove through Chattanooga YESTERDAY. Checked the gas gauge, to be sure I wouldn't need to pull off the Interstate, to refuel in-or-near there. Chattanooga's beautiful to drive through: but plenty of us know about that city's crime problem, and exercise MORE caution there than we do in Jackson (where we know, better, what areas to avoid). Southern Living Magazine may qvell over Chattanooga's attractions: but that doesn't mean we don't skip those attractions, due to the crime risk.

"6 million+ whites (stats include Hispanics as white) versus 2 million+ blacks were arrested for crimes in the US last year."

Do you realize that you just admitted that the "White" crime stats aren't really reflecting crimes committed by Whites? So why did you even reference that statistic?

"If you think you are only at risk from blacks, you are being foolish. If you think you are only at risk in Jackson, you are being foolish... ... you are ignorant."

Thank you so much, for your semi-connected little collection of attempts at condescending putdowns. Whatever entity employs you, though, should really update and upgrade their little "talking points" handbook. What you're copying and pasting here isn't all that great.

"In 1950, if there was a child snatched or horribly abused in Iowa, you didn't know it." Yep! Nobody heard about the Leopold-Loeb case at all. No media coverage. No books. No movie. (well, except for all those articles and books and things - but maybe nobody read them). And nobody knew, at all, about the Affairs of the Kennedy men, because there was no Internet (unless someone was reading the countless accounts of those things in books, magazines, and newspapers). Yeah! And Eleanor Roosevelt was never quoted by a Journalist, on the subject of Franklin's infidelity, as saying "Forgiveness is not Amnesia"

Oh: and 'Sigh', dearie, Catchy little niblets like "Duh!" and "No-brainer" may have been really hot in 1989. But like I said: your Talking Points booklet really needs updating.



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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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