Tuesday, June 22, 2010

McDonalds should not get a break today from the Planning Board

The Northside Sun reported in the June 17 edition:
"A public hearing has been set for June 23 to discuss McDonald's USA's request for a special use permit to build a restaurant with a drive-through window at the southwest corner of Lakeland Drive and Ridgewood Road.

The hearing is slated to begin at 1:30 that afternoon before the Jackson Planning Board in the Warren Hood building downtown."

Although zoned for commercial use, the property is "not zoned for drive-through windows". The plans have not been approved by the City Council or the Planning Board."

This project must be stopped. Lakeland Drive from I-55N to the Pearl River is one of the few scenic sections of major roads left in Jackson. There are parks, ballparks, small banks, doctors offices, country clubs, and woods as one approaches Rankin County. No clutter of convenience stores, fast food restaurants, strip malls, or other all too familiar signs of city life. River Hills, The Quarter, and the woods of the R&D center on the other corners of the intersection. Pretty and peaceful in nature, its a perfect blend from the commercial to the nicer neighborhoods in Jackson.

The current character of that section of Lakeland Drive should be preserved. First it will be a fast food restaurant, then something else. Teenagers hanging out there all the time. More congestion. The good ole golden arches in the middle of all those parks and trees. More crime. All those cars trying to enter Lakeland drive at rush hour, backing up traffic even more. Think of the southwest corner of Old Fanin Road and Spillway Road. How lovely. How scenic. How crass.

Unfortunately, some so-called leaders of Northeast Jackson seem to have no problem with further despoliation of the area they call home. The Sun reported former Mayor Kane Ditto "isn't necessarily opposed to the chain's construction but would like to have input on several aspects of its development, such as signage. 'I would like an attractive building with good landscaping and reasonable signage.' he said in a phone interview. If its done well, it wouldn't have much of an impact."

I shouldn't be too surprised at the former mayor who instead of refusing to drink the hemlock, would rather add some sweeteners before he partakes of it. Kathryn Koury, the president of the Petit Bois Neighborhood Association, said she was opposed to the project but "after speaking with Ditto, realized that something eventually would be built on the spot."

No kidding Kathryn. Something will eventually be built "on the spot" but there is a difference between a fast food restaurant that is totally at odds with everything around it and something more tasteful. Yes, I'm starting to sound like Queen Mary but when it comes to Northeast Jackson, its about damn time people starting acting like it was Madison and not Hwy 80 in South Jackson. We've got enough crap on County Line Road, Northside Drive, the Rankin part of Lakeland, and on the frontage roads. Lets take one of the nicer parts of town and stick a Mickey D's in the middle of it. But then, that is the difference between Madison and Northeast Jackson: Their leaders won't take no for an answer when it comes to demanding higher standards while ours immediately ask how they can surrender.

Its rather too much to expect opposition from the former Mayor as his administration was characterized by a weak, go along to get along attitude that saw Jackson begin its decline. There is no question Northeast Jackson is facing its own problems right now as some neighborhoods are deteriorating and crime continues to be a problem. Stopping the current trend means adopting a no-compromise attitude and fighting one battle at a time. That means stopping this McDonald's in its tracks and encouraging a more suitable business to build on that location. Instead of griping about things and doing nothing, show up at the Planning Board meeting tomorrow and tell them to deny McDonald's application. Its time to reverse NE Jackson's slide and this is a good first place to start. Do not give McDonald's a break today.

84 comments:

Anonymous said...

There's a liquor store right behind there, right? I can't see how adding a McDonald's can be that bad. Plus, that would give me a closer spot to grab lunch during the day.

Kingfish said...

Yes there is and I definitely want it covered up by another business. Just not McDonald's or another fast food restaurant.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the entireity of your post. First, the part of Lakeland from I-55 to the Pearl River is not particularly scenic or quaint. It is spotted with development on both sides. Second, there has always been a business (a gas station) on that corner, if I remember correctly. Having a McD there is no worse than having any other business there. Lastly, the corners at that intersection are in no danger of becoming overdeveloped, ala OldFannin/Spillway. One of the four corner lots belongs to River Hills CC and another belongs to IHL or the state. Neither of those are likely to change in the near future. I live in "leftover", about two miles or less from that site. To me, your post is alarmism and fails to make a significant point to back your position.

Kingfish said...

right side: LefLuer's bluff, ballparks, doctors office,some banks and an office building that isn't too big. then the Quarter,MS Blood Services. Bonsai.

Left side: Ag Museum, Smith Wills, Fowler Park, Fire station, state office, woods, River hills, those office buildings partly hidden by trees, little creek.

For a major road, its scenic compared to the other ones in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

King, I'm usually on the same page with you, but I have to agree with 11:24 on this one. There used to be a gas station there. Now it will be a McDonald's. So? The parcel is zoned commercial. Not bucolic.

Anonymous said...

Frankly, Lakeland Drive hasn't been "scenic" since the early 1970s. That corner for as long as I can remember had a very busy service station with people coming and going from there early in the morning until late at night anyway. A McDonald's is not like a drive-in beer barn or drive in liquor store. The strongest thing they sell at McDonald's is coffee. To me a McDonald's fits on that corner just fine.

Kingfish said...

So because something looked like crap before we should put something else like that there again? What ever happened to trying to make improvements or raise the standards?

Anonymous said...

KF, so you don't like the idea of a McDonald's. Tell us what you would like to see go on that corner.

Anonymous said...

King, why does a McDonalds put such a bee in your bonnet? I don't get it. I'm willing to bet that the occupants of the office buildings in the area will welcome it as a convenient breakfast, lunch, or coffee grab.

Anonymous said...

KF, I'm with you. This wouldn't fly in Madison and does cheapen the area. Nothing wrong with fighting the good fight.

Anonymous said...

Building on 12:07's invitation, and ruling out a rose garden, please also explain to us how what you want will be so much more pleasing to the eye than a McDonald's

Anonymous said...

King, I know I don't have to tell you why zoning laws exist. As I understand the situation, the upcoming hearing is to rule on a variance for a drive-thru window, or more to the point, the loudspeaker. King, unless you have a specific objection to the drive-thru window, I think you are off-base to rally the troops because you generally oppose McDonalds being there. Aside from the drive-thru issue, this decision was effectively made when the commercial zoning designation was assigned. I am a big believer in zoning laws because they protect property values. But that cuts both ways. What is good for the residential property owner should also be good for the commercial property owner. I know, because I fall into both categories.

Anonymous said...

I say we put another church there.

Anonymous said...

Are we all forgetting that the southeast corner of that intersection is occupied by a giant electrical substation? Compared to that, I think the scenic disadvantage of McDonald's is pretty small french-fried potatoes.

Anonymous said...

I agree with 12:54. That electrical substation is hideous and has always bothered me.

If River Hills members were opposed to the McD's, it could be stopped. If they don't care, well, then I guess the deserve the smell of McD's wafting over to them while they are sunbathing.

The city of Jackson would put anything there they thought would bring them tax revenue...

Anonymous said...

Isn't this property one of those that would be rendered worthless (or worth a lot less) due to decision a few months' back about the levees and flood control? I thought all the affected properties were on that side of Lakeland, and people predicted all the commercial businesses would jest decamp for Rankin or Madison County.

Anonymous said...

If you want to control property in the USA you must own the property. It was for sell, you could have purchased it and planted trees on it and then we all could enjoy them at your expense.

Anonymous said...

KF, you are bad off base on this one. I agree with what appears to be almost everyone else here. (1) Lakeland Drive gave up being scenic many decades ago (2) this is commercial property and the owner is entitled to use it as such, the only question being a variance for a drive-thru (3) this is not a scenic spot no matter how you want to sell it. This fully fits within the zoning laws and there is a good reason for the laws. To protect ALL involved. You don't want a McDonalds - go buy the property yourself and plant a garden. But something is going there and it will be something commercial, with big signs (arches or something else) and traffic. So admit - you don't like a McDonalds, its not that you object to a drive thru.

Anonymous said...

Why is Jeff Weill not going to voice his opinion...look into who is in charge of his campaign funds and their tie to McDonalds

Anonymous said...

More crime?

Anonymous said...

Kingfish:

I think you really need to consider the comment regarding the electrical substation across the street. I don't think a developer is going to want to put a plush building there.

The problem I have with what you said is that the comments regarding "Hwy. 80 in South Jackson". Would someone PLEASE recognize that there are different parts of Jackson (North, South, East and West). For those of us who live in South Jackson, Hwy. 80 is considered West Jackson and for the record not all of South Jackson (nor West Jackson for that matter) is a slum. Homes near Hillcrest Christian School are beautiful. That's why there are very few for sale. Large lots, etc. Every section of Jackson has its problems, but stop laying every problem there is at the real South Jackson's doorstep.

Auburn Rat said...

if it looks like the micky d's on the corner of Ashford Dunwoody Road and Perimeter West Drive in Dunwoody (Atlanta) it will be quite nice. It's the new proto-type and it is really a good fast food building. Stacked Stone, real good landscaping. Looks Good.

Anonymous said...

As someone nearby, I don't object IF McD's will be a good corporate neighbor by NOT erecting a tall sign that could be seen by homes in the area and by choosing one of their more neighborhood friendly building and landscape designs.
I would also like it NOT to be a 24 hour service as the late night crowds can become a problem.

Since highways have food signs for the exit , a huge sign to be seen from the I 55 would be unnecessary as well as unsightly.

Anonymous said...

The substation is a PLUS since it means not losing power during bad weather events.

McGee said...

I saw this and felt compelled to respond, but most of my thoughts have already been expressed. Lakeland is nice in places but hardly "scenic," and McD's isn't going to seriously affect it. But that's all beside the point. I thought you were a good libertarian, KF? Shouldn't the property owner be able to do what he wants with the property - particularly since it's *already* zoned commercial? You can't crow about limited government and then take the position that the government ought to decide what sort of businesses are built on property already zoned commercial.

In particular, I couldn't believe this statement: "So because something looked like crap before ***we*** should put something else like that there again?"

KF, ***we*** aren't doing a d*mn thing! What you want "we" to do is step in and tell the property owner what sort of businesses we think are acceptable on his property.

Government has truly run amok when someone can purport to be a libertarian and advocate this sort of bs over-regulation.

Anonymous said...

KF,

Its easy to stop the Mcdonalds, just buy the property.

Oh I forgot, you just want a visual deed to the property, not a warranty deed.

Anonymous said...

KF is either setting all of you up for something else coming down the pipe or transacts his business in the near by vicinity of said arches. Do not be suprised when your present pro-development pronouncements preclude future personal protests.

Anonymous said...

No, KF isn't setting anyone up. He's doing what he does, which is to pick and choose his causes not necessarily in line with any political philosophy.

It's his blog, and he can do what he wants, but I am glad that most of the readers recognize that he's as inconsistent on issues as everyone else.

He gets off on attacking developers and builders without all of the facts, and even when they are operating within the existing zoning. He did so to a former client of mine.

Anonymous 23156 said...

I think I understand why Jackson pretty much looks like a worn out hodge podge of a city...no one friggin' cares what is happening next door to them anymore. Still...gotta love the commitment to the laissez fair way.

PS - It will be interesting to find out how many neighbors decide they really don't like that loudspeaker blaring down the street at 11:30PM every night.

Anonymous said...

Ouch. Some of these comments are mighty stinging. Better put up a babe pic quick, the wolves are getting hungry for fresh meat.

Kingfish said...

Really, show me anything that looks like a McDonald's or close within a half mile of the intersection on Lakeland.

Y'all all bitch about how Jackson is going downhill but don't seem interested in doing anything to improve the standards or do what it takes to make things better.

Kingfish said...

Put up or shut up. Which client did I attack without all the facts?

Anonymous said...

You know who. Track my URL and you'll know.

Ironghost said...

This from the blog that thought it was a good idea to shred everything south of the Reservoir for Two Lakes? Come on, KF.

If they can make it a neat looking McD's, and the rich people in Peit Bois don't object, what's the beef here?

McGee said...

Isn't there a gas station about a 1/2 mile up the road? Gas station ok but McD's no good? (Isn't there a Krystal's or something else about a mile in the other direction, too?)

You're right, I'm not interested in doing "what it takes" if what it takes is the government deciding which business belong in particular locations or where McD's is or is not appropriate.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish at 5:46, please excuse my French, but is this really the one specific turd in the toilet bowl that needs to be dealt with first on the road to revitalizing Jackson? If my memory serves, at some point in either your article or a post, you implied that this is as good a place as any to start. Really??? Sumrall finds an opportunity to sell this property, and you want impede their ability to engage in commerce. If you are concerned about McD's erecting a huge sign, again, that is addressed in zoning ordinances. If you want the law changed, try to change it, but don't attack a legitimate business attempting to legitimately function within the laws that exist.

Anonymous said...

BTW King, do you know who owns the McDonald's franchise for this territory? Do you know who his brother is? You may as well be taking on Jesse Tavis Barrack Jackson Smiley Obama.

Kingfish said...

No, and I don't care.

Kingfish said...

Hey Ironghost, get your facts straight.

Two Lakes shred everything? Its the Levee Plan that will destroy 31 different buildings.

Justin said...

Per the Mississippi Supreme Court: spot zoning is not cool if you're a local business owner in Jackson trying to operate a eating establishment. Spot zoning is swell if you're a bunch of rich law firm suits. Right, KF?

Kingfish said...

If its not ok for Sophia's then its not ok for Butler Snow.

Anonymous said...

King at 7:31, I don't care if you don't care. My point is that fighting this at City Hall or the Warren Hood building, or wherever, is a fool's errand.

Anonymous said...

I live in Eastover - grew up here and now live here with my family. I would much rather have a gas station/convenience store or a wine shop on that corner than a fast food restaurant with a drive thru!!! The only thing that I can think of that could be worse than McDonalds would be a fried chicken establishment. I know that Kane is concerned about the signage, but that seems almost pointless to me. I mean McDonalds is McDonalds regardless of the height of the sign! Obviously, I would prefer that it not be there at all!

Anonymous said...

no one over 10 eats mcdonalds, or at least they shouldn't.

Anonymous said...

If any one believes the property values of all the businesses in that vicinity will not depreciate...then you probably don't need to be buying real estate .Also, you probably have never thought about commercial property values and never owned any commercial property yourself. The fact is yes it is zoned commercial BUT and that is a big BUT it is NOT zoned for a drive thru. And also if you frequent that intersection you already know how dangerous it is...just imagine all those folks from McDonalds pulling out on to Lakeland!!!

Anonymous said...

8:15, "I would much rather have..." If you would so much rather have, then buy the property. Who do you think you are? It's zoned commercial. They want a loudspeaker to support a drive-thru. If you live in Eastover, you are well away from this property. I don't blame you one bit for being pissed that the neighborhood and the city you grew up in is not what it once was (because we all know it ain't) but a McD's at the corner of Ridgewood Road and Lakeland Drive isn't the problem. I don't claim to hold the solution to fixing Jackson, but I'm dead sure it doesn't start with violating individual property owners' rights.

Anonymous said...

8:30, the point I get from your comment is that increased traffic at an intersection if bad for business. In my mind, that measn you don't need to be SELLING real estate. As to safety at that intersection, if the City can't manage the traffic flow, which is admittedly a valid concern, how is that McD's fault?

Justin said...

Exactly, KF... we're on the same page

Anonymous said...

8:39, If you had to smell McDonald's all day and night from your building...you don't think that would hurt when it came time to sell your property??? And no I did not mean for it to sound like an increase in traffic. What I meant to relay is that now you are going to have McDonald's customers pulling out on to Lakeland Drive which I can only imagine what a nightmare it is going to be. And in regards to the post earlier about how KF is trying to tell someone to do with their property, that is absolutely not what I believe he is conveying. There is no argument that it is zoned commercial BUT it is NOT ZONED for a drive thru. There are many different types of commecially zoned real estate and this property is not zoned for a McDonald's, unless they don't want to offer a drive thru for all of our unhealthy Mississippians. Without a drive thru that McD's woudln't last a week!

Anonymous said...

Okey dokey...first of all 9:06, did I make an earlier post about KF telling someone what do with their property? KF, if you're watching my IP address, I have nothing to hide. We share a common friend in Kera at a very important customer service counter. Second 9:06, you've immediately backed away from any objective support, like statistics on how McD's hurt property values for office parks, for a decrease in property values. You seem focused on the driving skills of McDonald's customers. And unhealty Mississippians. I get it. And you are allowed to bitch all you want about things you don't like. I do it all the time. But ""sniff sniff" I don't like something, so screw someone who doesn't manage his treasure in a way I see fit"" doesn't cut it. Not in this country. Not yet.

Kingfish said...

What would I like to see there? Something like a newks. Another bank. Free VD clinic. An octopus garden perhaps. A BP gas station.

Anonymous said...

So 9:23 do you believe McDonald's should be able to put a drive thru window on a piece of property not zoned for a drive thru?

Anonymous said...

Anon 12:54 here: Kingfish, you're way off base at 5:46 about what else is in the area.

There's a recently-built Shell (I think?) station less than half a mile west of the Ridgewood intersection, just across from the fire station/park/baseball fields. There's a really junky Conoco less than half a mile east of it, next to the El Charro and across the street from Bonsai and Penn's. There's a Krystal and a Taco Bell just across the river, where Primos and Antonelli College are -- that's maybe 3/4 mile away at most. The Park is hardly first-quality scenery either, especially now that it's gone out of business again.

I don't have a problem with the power substation in itself, but I do think it radically lessens the likelihood of something ritzier going there going there. Plus, that lot is really pretty small -- it's got a lot of frontage, but there's not much depth to it (unless they are talking about buying the liquor store lot too?). You can't put much more than a small transient-traffic type business there, because you don't have enough room to park more than a handful of cars. There certainly won't be room for much landscaping.

Anonymous said...

9:29, Absolutely, if the P&Z board allows for it. The answer to that question is a matter between the city and the property owners. Unless it can be prove otherwise, only the nearby property owners have any real standing in this issue. Nix-Tann's office is, or was last time I checked, in the very vicinty. If they have a problem, I'm sure the city will hear from them.

Anonymous said...

9:30, you are correct sir. But KF ends his argument at the Pearl River. Rankin County doth besot itself!

Anonymous said...

Let's pretend that you'd all like to sit in your backyards and look at a 35 ft McD's sign.
The difference between a city that thrives and a dying city is a residential tax base to SUPPORT the businesses.
This is not HARD PEOPLE...look at the history of the east coast about what works and what DOESN'T.
I just HOPE the " property owners can do whatever they want guy doesn't live in Madison ! If so, HYPOCRITE!

KaptKangaroo said...

9:30 I share your sentiment. I knew of some folks that bought that land or were buying it at one time or another (recently). They shared it was not really a great location, its an afternoon location. Read: Gas Station. So, if MD wants to move in there, they will struggle to service patrons without a drive-thru. Without it, there is no morning meal, and the restaurant will be a dog. Same thing went for the Gas station that was previously there. What I wonder in all this discussion is the "Super Fund" site that the property is. Whoever buys it will have to clean it up. If that means digging up all the dirt and redepositing "clean" dirt, then guess what, there are few with the resources to do it. I echo the sentiments of the previous post regarding building of tax base. If MD wants to do it, so be it. They have become more tasteful in their decorum in recent years, and yes you will smell the scent of Egg McMuffins, Quarter Pounders, etc., but it could smell like ass...sorry, I meant gas.

Anonymous said...

One person should not get to profit from his property by destroying the value of other people's properties and adversely affecting the long range economic health of an area.
Mary Hawkins Butler " got" this and that's why Madison is thriving. Businesses want to be convenient to the people and will be MORE profitable if long term interests are considered.
The Shell, Conoco and other businesses mentioned are NOT in eyesight of residential property.
The Neon signs should never have been allowed and SOME cities are so determined to protect their residential tax base that they put up sound and sight barriers along travelled routes like Lakeland and an Interstate. It is a LONG term investment that pays off.
Businesses don't HAVE to be UGLY and GARISH...look at Renaissance and Highland Colony...to be profitable. Indeed, people are drawn to visually pleasing places.

Anonymous said...

How about a miniature Wal-Mart? It could be the first of its kind, and would attract visitors from all over. Would that be better than a McDonald's Kingfish? The way I see it, it looks like warmed over crap right now, with grass and weeds and an old car sitting in on the lot next to the liquor store. A McDonald's would be a nice change.

Anonymous said...

I like Eastover lifer's comment: "The only thing that I can think of that could be worse than McDonalds would be a fried chicken establishment...."

Ironghost said...

I thought I did have my facts straight on two lakes. Isn't it going to destroy all that wetland south of the dam for a upscale development? The levees would do the same thing.

I think this is more "KF hates McD's" rather than "I don't want a restraunt there".

Kingfish said...

Nope. You are clueless about Two Lakes.

As for McDonald's, no wonder Donna keeps you around. I eat at McDonald's one to two times a week.

Anonymous said...

The Shell, Conoco and other businesses mentioned are NOT in eyesight of residential property.

Remember, that gas station was only torn down about a year ago. The owners of said residential property apparently didn't have any objections to backyard vistas of a crappy Exxon station with a barbecue shack in front of it.

I fail to see how a McDonald's in the style of the Madison McD's would be any more objectionable than that.

Rebekah said...

As a member of River Hills, I'm completely against Mcdonalds being there. It's already extremely congested at that intersection. I understand something eventually will have to go there,but why Mcdonalds? Why not a yogurt place?

Anonymous said...

because a yogurt place won't make enough money to pay the bill for purchase/construction. Unless, of course, shoegirl wants to invest her River Hills dues into a new yogurt place that all her tennis girlfriends can come eat at.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Rebekah said...

So because I've written ONE article and because I'm a RH member makes me a tramp? Thanks for the laugh. Judgemental morons make for great entertainment!

Rebekah said...

We have enough fast food places- hence being one of the fattest states.

Anonymous said...

Why wouldn't McD's be allowed in Madison, other than the fact that they already have one? They allowed one to be located on what should be their main street - it doesn't even have columns either.

Anonymous said...

The congestion was there when the station operated, that's not the main issue. The issue is why have yet another fast food (fat food) establishment on Lakeland, and why does no one care that it will eventually decline and have teenagers hanging out there at midnight.

Anonymous said...

Why not put in a franchise that has morals, like Chik-fil-A?

Anonymous said...

I am not sure Shoegirl really needs to be frequenting anymore fast food places. Why do you think she wanted a yogurt place?

Anonymous said...

So she wouldn't have to look at YOUR fat behind!

Anonymous said...

The anonymous Shoe.

Anonymous said...

Nope, not Shoegirl. Sorry to disappoint you.

Anonymous said...

My601.com has a video on the story with arguments for and against. You have to go to video tab to find it. I can see both sides.

Anonymous said...

What is confusing, is that Kane Ditto led the charge to kill a Sonic in that same spot, and now he is concerned about signage at (IMHO) what is the tackiest of the tacky in fast food. They peddle crap. A mickie dee's DOES NOT go there, and if it did, a zoning variance would NOT be required.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Northeast Jackson problems, have you looked lately at the condition of the stretch of real estate on the East side of Ridgewood Rd between Old Canton and Briarwood?

Anonymous said...

Scenic? You need to go to the optomotrist's office located nearby...and after your reading of Obamacare surely you know you will need money..which is nice because there are about 5 banks with drive thrus you can use while en route to your appointment...

All kidding aside...I met the would be owner...this is his 22nd...and hes African American....extremely nice...and to quote Biden..hes "clean" ....I doubt that his request will be denied...and cudos to him for operating a successful business in todays climate

Anonymous said...

Would this piece of shit of an economic driver be accepted if the owner was white? 15-0. Give me a reverse racist break. Sonic=white=denied. McD's=black in a white area=15-0. The planning board and the city council sucks.

Anonymous said...

Welcome all....especially those folks from DT. We do need more of you sharing you insights. I mean it. If you have thick skin than take the time to share. We do like to hear from those that cannot communicate but in racist terms (unfortunately when they come here they really don't like white people), however, we are an open group of bits and bytes and don't really care about your color. Please join us here, but please take the time to make a coherent statement.

Anonymous said...

Here are coherent statements...

ORIGINAL: Would this piece of shit of an economic driver be accepted if the owner was white?

RECOMMENDED: Apparently the owner is successful throughout Jackson. Is he getting preferential treatment because of his success?

ORIGINAL: am not sure Shoegirl really needs to be frequenting anymore fast food places. Why do you think she wanted a yogurt place?

RECOMMENDED: So Pumpchick, you got to go and recommend a yogurt place? Why not recommend a wheat germ squeezer? C'mon, its about fun.

ORIGINAL: Why not put in a franchise that has morals, like Chik-fil-A?

RECOMMENDED: Dude, read the earlier posts. It recommended a church. Read the comments before you post and think about your moral indignation. Judgmental fool.

Anonymous said...

Oy VEY, all this bitchin' and moanin' is making me crave french fries!

SeekingTruth said...

Well 4 years later, I guess I inform all ye bitchers that the McDonald's at Lakeland & Ridgewood isn't ANYTHING you people, including KF said it would be. It's a very nice McD's, nicer than Madison's, and it hasn't been the site of ANY crime of any kind. In fact, it's just like every other McDonald's in the Metro area; packed out!

Maybe we reflect upon that, and not on the consequences of putting a McD's in a nice part of town ...



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Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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